Hearing vs. Listening

Do you ever feel like no body is listening to what you are saying? Or that they are hearing it they just don't understand what you are saying? 

I'm so frustrated lately with the people around me. I feel isolated. Like I'm in a sound proof room shouting at the people around me and no body sees me, no body is listening. I can't take it anymore.

The worst part is that I have no body to talk to about it. I feel like all my friends are away at college doing bigger and better things. I feel like they all have these new awesome friends, and I'm stuck at home, going to a local campus with one person that I actually talk to. I just feel alone. I feel like no one cares about me anymore. Maybe that's not true. Maybe it's kinda self centered. I don't know, but I know it's how I'm feeling.

Tonight, I tried to talk to my mom about the diet I'm on with this super expensive doctor. It costs almost $100 dollars every time I go, which is usually every week. I'm on this diet where I can't eat anything but meat, eggs, and vegtables. It's not that bad actually, but I'm not losing a lot of weight. I'm frustrated. I just don't see the point of going to see him every week when it's not helping me. I can diet by myself. 

The thing is, I'm happy the way I am right now. Sure, I'm overweight and it sucks. Sure, I do look in the mirror and wish I was a size six. But, I'm not. I've accepted this. I just wish she would. All she ever talks about is me being too fat and how I need to lose weight. I don't think she even thinks about how that makes me feel. Sometimes it just makes me want to eat a whole cake just so I don't lose weight to piss her off some more. 

I just want people to listen to me even just once. I want my mom to try and understand. I want her to shut the hell up and leave me alone. I want to move away.

I just...I want someone to listen to my rambles.

If you read this, thank you.