I've wanted to be a writer since I was 16. Before that, I wanted to be an artist. I used to draw all the time. During school, I would draw on my notebooks and my hands. At home, I had sketch books and pencils galore. I loved drawing. I loved taking lead or chalk or paint and creating beautiful pictures out of them, even if they were only beautiful to me. In eighth grade, I wanted to be a fashion designer. I drew all these pictures of clothes and shoes that my sister thought were ugly or stupid. Now, I look at the things people are wearing in Hollywood and I see my designs in some of them. It's weird.
When I decided that I wanted to make art when I grew up, my mother wasn't very happy. She had always supported me and saved all my drawings but she didn't want me to be an artist. "There's no money in art," she would say to me. "Do something else. Be great."
So, I stopped drawing. I just quit. Instead, I focused on my sciences and maths. I was smart enough to be a doctor. I even thought I would love to be a doctor. I turned to reading. I read books upon books. Soon, I got my first job. I spent 150 dollars of my paychecks on books every two weeks. My collection soon grew to encompass every space I had for books. My mom made me box some up. That summer, I read all my books over again because I didn't have money for new books. I read them over and over again. Soon, I wanted new things to read, but I didn't have any other books.
I sat down with my laptop one night and just began writing. These authors can create amazing fantasies with just words. I couldn't I. Within a year, I had written my first novel. I thought it was the best thing ever. Looking back at it now, it was ridden with mistakes and plot holes.
I went to college Pre-med originally. I wanted to be a Psychiatrist. I took two semesters of classes and hated them. I still think Chemistry and Biology are fascinating, but my teachers sucked. I transferred schools and moved closer to home. Actually, my commute is five minutes. I am now a English Writing major and I'm double majoring with Psychology. My writing teach told me, "Writing is a craft. You have to work at it. You aren't just instantly amazing at it. It takes time."
She was right. I'm not the best writer, and to be honest, I never will be. I will make mistakes. I'm sure I already made a mistake writing this post. But, I am so much better then where I started. The passion that I once felt for drawing, I now feel for writing. I can't draw anymore. My scribbles are almost unidentifiable. But, I can write. I can spend hours sitting in my room in front of a computer to create stories that are purely fiction or to create stories of my life through the years. I can spend days writing a novel about kidnapped teens, or I can work on a memoir of my time struggling with PCOS, DDD, three herniated discs, and hypothyroidism. I can write. I love to write.
Recently, I've been awarded an award for writing a blog at my school. The blog is called Gadgets and Gizmos A Plenty and it's a blog I started for class. I was so excited about the award. It made me feel that my time trying to perfect my craft hadn't gone to waste. Then my excitement dwindled when I realized it wasn't like I had gotten published. But, it doesn't matter. I won something. I achieved something. I'm getting better.
Wednesday night, I got to meet my favorite blogger, Virginia Montanez. She's writes the blog That's Church. Some in the Pittsburgh area may know her as PittGirl. I know her as a kick ass writer who I look up to for her blog and her courage to say what she feels so publicly. I got to speak with her and show her my blog I made for class. She really liked it, and I couldn't stop smiling. This lady whose blog I read religiously liked my blog. Holy shit! Then, after almost everyone left, I showed her my other blog. She liked it too! She said she would probably even read it! I couldn't even handle that information. I was amazed. Yesterday, she mentioned both of my blogs, and my fellow bloggers blogs in a post on her website. I was so completely honored by this. I still can't believe that my name and my blogs were on her blog. I'm amazed. I'm honored. I feel truly blessed.
I am very thankful for the amazing things happening in my life right now. Today I get to walk across a small stage and receive my award for my blog. It's very overwhelming to finally feel like everything is right in the world. I feel like I'm finally on the right track. I feel very blessed, and I hope things only go up from here!
That's my story of self realization, or at least the sparknotes. I hope that you have already found what makes you happy in life and are pursing it. If not, sometimes it takes some wrong choices to find the right one. I hope you find yours soon.
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