Christmas time is here

Gotta Get Away

I need a vacation. Somewhere nice. Somewhere around no one. I don't want to be with or by people. I just want to be by myself. Alone. Solitude. I need a break from being held together by tape and glue. I need to just be alone and heal. I need to stop putting on a smile, and just fall apart. I need to get away.

To here...

or here....

I don't care where. Just away.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

I love Christmas. I love the happiness of the holidays and the colors. I love the decorations and lights. I love the music and the faith. I love Christmas. I love decorating with my mom and I love our traditions. One of our traditions is decorating the tree. So this week we decorated the tree. My mom collects the North Pole Series, and we usually put them up every year. The last two years we haven't put them up, so I was really excited when my mom pulled them out again.

A Little Better

Sometimes, you get bad news. Really bad news and you don't want to think about it. You don't even want to acknowledge it. So you do something else instead think about it.

Today, I got bad news. So I played with my dog, and took pictures of his cute face. It made me feel better. What makes you feel better?

Book Launch

This semester, I'm taking a publishing class at my university. This is the product of a semesters worth of work. It's finally published.

Bird Watchers

My dogs like to sit in the window and watch the birds, squirrels, chipmunks, and the occasional rabbits. They could quite possibly sit in the same spot all day and just watch these animals walk around and eat. To me, that's always seemed really boring. The way NASCAR is boring to me. I'm sorry, I just don't understand why people like to sit on their butts and watch a bunch of cars go around in a circle really fast. The only time it gets interesting is when there is a crash, and wishing for a crash isn't a very nice thing to do. 

 I woke up and my dogs were watching the birds again out in the back. I hopped up on the couch and watched as their eyes followed the birds from tree to tree, as the fed from the bird feeder and seemed to almost dodge the small drops of snow falling from the sky. 

I sat with them a while and watched the pretty red cardinals fly around. They swooped through the air gracefully. They sat and looked around at the world, perhaps watching me as I watched them. A woodpecker came down to the bird feeder, a bird I didn't even know we had in the backyard. He ate with the other birds and flew away to his home only to come back for more. 

Sure there were no bird fights or squirrels jumping around, but it was beautiful to see nature in a different way. Sure they weren't digging worms out of the ground trying to find their own food, but they were still amazing to watch just because of their gracefulness. I can see why men wanted to learn to fly. 

After this morning, I understand my dogs a little more. No, I don't understand the urge to smell someone's butt, but I understand what is so memorizing about bird watching. It's not something I would do all the time, and I'm sure it's still a lot more interesting to the dogs with the better eye sight and animal instincts.

Sickness

My brother-in-law was sick yesterday with a fever and a little bit of flu. My sister was worried about him. She put him to bed, put a cold compress on his forehead. She took care of him. She worried like a good wife does. She changed the cloth on his forehead and his neck a few times throughout the night until his fever broke. 

She came over yesterday and we went shopping while Jimmy was home sleeping away the last of his flu. She told my mom and I about taking care of her husband. We listened. I said, "Avoid him like the black freaking plague."

She ignored me. She got sick this morning. She's seven months pregnant and now she's sick with the flu. She texted me complaining that she can't hold anything down and she's so sick. I said, "Black. Plague. I told you to avoid him and you didn't. If I get sick from the two of you, I'm gonna barf all over you."

So now my sick sister and her germ spreading husband are up at the ER getting my sister taken care of. Meanwhile, I'm writing a research paper and sitting with my doggy. I sent her a picture of him and said, "Baker says, will my tweet make you feelz betta?"

Love

A year ago, I had three dogs. Shiner, Gunner and Brandy. Shiner is gone now. She's been gone for over eight months now, that's hard to believe. Gunner is still around, grumpy as ever. He's become even more attached to my mom if that's even possible. It's time for the holidays again, and I feel that he misses Shiner more now then ever. After all, it was her he spent his first Thanksgiving and Christmas with. It was her. They were friends, partners, pals before Brandy or Baker even came on the scene. If it's possible for a dog to grieve, to remember, to be depressed, I think Gunner is all those things right now.

Brandy is still trying to squeeze herself into the places she went as a puppy. She's digging holes in the yard and getting yelled at for tracking dirt into the house. She's still playful and fun. She's protective of Baker when Gunner gets mad at him. She's his mother in a way. She loves him as much as I do. Brandy and Baker are pals like Gunner and Shiner used to be.

Now, we have a puppy named Baker who keeps us so busy and crazy that it's hard to believe that so much time has past. He makes my heart whole again, after the loss of such an important part of my childhood, my past. I look at him and I immediately get this sense of comfort and love. My heart swells and it's hard to breathe for a second. I love this dog so much because he's helped me through the loss of another. He's helped me smile again. He's helped me deal with that pain. He's helped me remember the happy moments instead of thinking of those when she was so sick. He helps me remember her. He helps me.

First Snow

The first real snow of the season came today. By real snow, I mean something that actually stuck on the ground for a while. It started snowing Friday night, and when Baker woke me Saturday morning I was excited to see it covering the ground. Before letting him outside, I ran to get my camera. It was Baker's first snow. I wanted to see what he would do. Unfortunately, it wasn't anything too exciting, but he was still cute running around and trying to eat all the snow. He happens to love ice cubes, so why not snow?

It makes me want to remember the first time I every saw snow. The first time I played in it, made a snow ball, a snow angel. I wish I could remember these things. I was luck enough to grow up in an area that does get snow, so I lived with it all my life. Perhaps as a baby I had a moment when I first realized what was happening, but those moments are lost to everyone but perhaps my parents.

In a way, I envy people that have never seen snow. They get to stay somewhere warm where the snow doesn't, can't touch. They don't have to have bulky winter jackets or heavy snow boots. They get to just enjoy the weather all the time. 

At the same time though, I wish everyone could experience snow once in their lives. To wake up one morning, and see the ground covered. To see the white paradise that suddenly appears. The branches tipped in white beauty and the sun shining just enough to make the ground sparkle. The silence from the snow covering the ground and the critters tucked away safely and warmly in their homes. I love the beauty of snow.

Summer Beauty

It's summertime and my house is beautiful. We have so many flowers blooming that our gardens look amazing. Here are a few of the most beautiful. 

Lilies

Lilies are my favorite flowers. Can you tell? 

Change of Views

This week, I'm staying at my sisters place. She is at the beach with her husband and two friends, so I am watching her dog and her apartment.

At first, it was weird staying here by myself. I'm not a fan of being alone somewhere. I kept feeling like people were going to break in and kill me. Of course, I was over reacting. Now that I'm four nights into this, it's not that bad. It's kind of nice being by myself. It's a nice change of pace to living with my parents and going to school. It's also nice to have one dog instead of three. Don't get me wrong, I love my dogs. It's just nice to have less craziness sometimes.

I brought my dog, Baker over to my sisters house the last two nights. I wanted to see how Shiloh and him would get along living together. They are actually really great together. They run around and play and then sleep on either side of me all night. It worked out.

Here's some pictures of the two of them playing.

Buns in the Ovens

Guess who has a bun in the oven?

No. Not me.

My sister!

I'm gonna be an Aunt :)

Changing Change

"Shell can you do me a favor?"

"Sure," I said to my mom. I stopped where I was and turned around wondering what it was that she wanted me to do this time.

"Can you take those lamps downstairs for me? I would do it, but my knee is killing me today," my mom said as she wiped down the counter of the kitchen.

"Yea. Sure. No problem," I said looking at the lamps. 

The lamps are gold. Not a weird or dull gold, but a shiny perfect gold. They kind of look like a vase if you look at them straight on. They have the shape of one at least. Big, shiny, gold, vase shaped lamps. Come to think of it, they are kind of gaudy looking. To be honest, they are kind of ugly lamps. 

They are the lamps I have always known though. Is that weird to say? I think that may be a little weird to say. But, it's true. Before we moved, they were the lamps that were upstairs in the living. They sat on either side of the couch. They were always there. 

When we moved, they came with us. They sat on either side of the couch once again in the new house. They've just always been there. I've always seen them in the room, and I haven't even given them a second thought. They aren't my lamps, they are my mom, which is why it's fine that she decided to replace them. But for a brief moment when I stared at those lamps sitting next to the basement door, I almost considered asking her to put them back. 

I'm not afraid of change. I'm not one of those people that hates when anything is different. Sometimes, I even embrace change. But, I've had a lot of change lately. I got diagnosed with a back problem. I learned to adjust my life to make it less painful. I lost my Grandfather. I graduated from high school. I moved to college and spent a year away from home. Got used to it. Five people pasted away in four months last spring, including a women I long considered a grandmother. I moved back home. I adjusted to being home again. I started a different college. My sister got married. I finally got a brother with that deal though. My dog passed away. I got a new puppy. I got a new job. 

A lot has happened in the past two years and I've done my best to keep up with the constant changes happening in my life. Now I've been out of high school for two years and my friends are changing, becoming beautiful, intelligent, wonderful young women. I'm making new friends at a different college and at work now. I'm changing myself. 

Once, I used to think I hated change, but I don't. I don't like it at first. It makes me a little uneasy, but once the change has begun I've learned to run with it and see where it takes me. Usually, change happens and it's for the better. I still haven't seen the better part of losing someone you loved though. 

Change happens though. You can hate it. You can love it. You can accept it, or you don't have to. But one thing is for sure, it happens. Either accept it or don't but don't stand in the way of it, else it will just knock you off your feet.

Lucky Leaves

Yesterday, my family had a cook out. My family came over as well as my friend Megan and her family. During the day while we were cooking food and getting everything ready, my dad came in with a glass of water. I looked at him as he held the glass out to me. 

"No thanks. I'm good," I said pushing the small glass away. 

"Look what I found," he said shoving the glass in my face again.

I looked down at the small glass and a dark green stem stuck out of it. Attached to the thin stem were four leaves. I shook my head. A four leaf clover. 

My mom walked over. "Where'd you find that?"

"The backyard," he said putting the glass down. "Must be my lucky day."

Today I took Baker outside. While he was doing his business, I looked down at the patch of clovers. I thought about the weekend I spent in Indianapolis a few weeks ago. My Aunt Marie let us stay with her for the weekend. She took us downtown to the Riverwalk and to see the city. While we were there she stopped and started searching through this persons grass. My mother, Linn, and I kept walking. We sat down on a bench. 

Linn looked over at my Aunt. "What's she doing?" Linn asked as my aunt hunched over the patch of grass.

"Probably looking for four leaf clovers. She does that," my mom said.

I laughed thinking it was a joke, but a few moments later, Aunt Marie came walking over with a small green clover between her fingers that proudly showed its four leaves. 

I starred in disbelief. "How did you find that?" I asked.

"She finds them all the time," my mom said looking up at the trees.

"I do," Aunt Marie laughed. "I don't know. It's weird. Once you find one, you find them all."

I had laughed at her then but as I was thinking of the clover she found, I noticed a small clover with four leaves. I hit it gently waiting for another clover below it to pull away and take away the allusion of four leaves. Another clover didn't pull away though. I stooped down and picked the green clover and sure enough it had four leaves. I smiled. "Must be my lucky day," I said to myself as my dog came running up to see what I had found. 

When I was younger, I used to say, "I love the smell of rain and thunderstorms."

My sister would wrinkle her nose and say, "You like the smell of worms?"

Scared of a Little Rain

I love Thunderstorms.

My first dog, Shiner, didn't mind them when she was a puppy, but once she turned four or five she started freaking out when it stormed. She would pant like crazy. She would run around the house and try to find a place to hid. She would follow you everywhere. Once she started losing her hearing, she suddenly didn't care again. Probably because she was blissfully unaware of the storms. 

Gunner is now seven. When he was a puppy, he didn't mind storms either. He used to watch Shiner run around like a goof. Now, he is starting to hate storms. Tonight, when it started storming he got really antsy and kept walking around. Now that its night time and it's storming really bad, his tail is down and he is scared. I picked him up tonight and held him real close. I told him, "It's okay Gunner. We won't let anything happen to you. You are safe." He calmed down while he was in my arms, but once I put him down he went back to being a mess.

Currently, my other two dogs are laying next to me, passed out. They could care less. 

It makes me think about the cycle of life. Not just with dogs, but adults too. As puppies or babies we don't care about the storms. Once we get a little older and we start noticing the storms, we are frightened. I know I was when I was little. I used to have to sleep with my parents or sister when it stormed because they scared me so bad. Then once you get older, you see that they aren't really that scary. Though the one doctor my mom works with would disagree. He got hit by lightening. 

I'm not scared of storms anymore. I think they are beautiful now. I love watching the rain come down and bounce off the ground. I love hearing it fall and the sound of each drop hitting. I love thunder as it rolls across the sky. I love when its dark out and the lightening suddenly lights up the sky and the world is bright for one brief moment. I love the smell. The smell of the world becoming clean once more. The smell of the water washing away the day and the dirt and making everything fresh. 

I love Thunderstorms.

To Whom It May Concern

Last week, I took my Aunt Mary to the laundry mat so that we could wash her comforter. This was a sign on the change machine. It made me chuckle. 

Mulch and Soil

Today I woke up a little late. I spent the night with my friends last night. We sat around a fire and talked until midnight. It was great. I was supposed to wake up early to go out to the greenhouses with my mom to get flowers. Instead, we went around 1. Late start for me, but my mom got a lot done before I woke up.

We found a lot of great deals at the greenhouses. When we got home, my mom and I started gardening. We got home around 3 and worked until 7. We planted almost everything that we bought except for some Petunias. I also helped my mom mulch a little around the house. I forgot how much work gardening is. It was almost 90 degrees here today to, so we were both sweating a lot!

 I don't have pictures of the gardens yet, but I do have pictures of some of the flowers. Here's what we did today. 

Strawberries! Yum!

Can't wait to eat them!

I forget what these are called but they are so pretty!

Mom really liked these

The whole front of the house is done in Snap Dragons this year!

Some of the Snap Dragons we bought

I picked these out. I thought they were really pretty!

What are your favorite flowers?